Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
