Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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