he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
