I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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