so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
