I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
