i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
