when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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