I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
