Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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