Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
