She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
