I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
