I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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