I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
