New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
