He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
