Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
