I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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