Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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