I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
