doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
COCAINE IS GR8
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
