My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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