I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
