We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
