Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want to fling myself into the sun
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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