I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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