i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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