they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
