And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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