I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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