I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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