Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
