She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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