dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
