the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
