So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
