well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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