May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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