bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
