If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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