exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
