At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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