There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
