I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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