Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
