I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
