It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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