accomplished twins. life is a go
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
