so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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