why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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