There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
