i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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