He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
