I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
3pm strippers are depressing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
