So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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