if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
