i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
