Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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