Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
