Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
