dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
