I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
