I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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