I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
