u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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