Don't you send me to vm
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
