Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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