Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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