I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
