I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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