First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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