Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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