Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
