Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
