A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
