I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
