she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All I want is dick and wine.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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